Losing an animal friend: Coping with pet loss grief

Losing an Animal Friend: Coping with pet loss grief

Coping with the death of a pet

Losing a friend is sad. When our best mate has fur, four paws and a tail, the feelings of grief are often just as intense as when a human friend or family member dies. Pet loss grief hits our hearts!

We love pets and we expect to mourn when they ultimately leave us but it is the extent of the sorrow that is often unexpected. Our brains tell us that animals have a shorter lifespan, that they cannot sense their imminent deaths and so we should be able to cope with their departure. Our hearts, however, tell us a different story.

An emotional time

A range of emotions may be felt when a loved animal dies: sadness, guilt, frustration, anger, even relief.

Alice recently had her 14-year old Jack Russell Terrier euthanased. Jack had lived a full and happy life and Alice knew that it was time to say goodbye.

“It was like losing my husband all over again.” Alice tearfully whispered. “In fact I think I cried more because the dog never argued with me!”

Grief is normal

What Alice felt is normal. Our animal companions give us unconditional acceptance, often to a greater extent than any human can and, as a result, we bond very strongly. The dog that welcomes you home or the cat that sits on your lap, few humans can give us such undivided attention? The emptiness we feel when a pet has gone is real and nothing to be ashamed of.

Often our time is grief is complicated by having to deal with the grief of others too. If you have children, then they may be experiencing pet loss grief for the first time. Parents often are unsure just what to say to their children.

Preparing for the inevitable

Although we know we will grieve, we can prepare for our pet’s inevitable end. One of the most difficult decisions we often must make is when to let the animal die. Euthanasia is a decision, ideally made in consultation with our veterinary surgeon, based on the animal’s quality of life. Allowing time to say goodbye to our special friends often helps owners cope with this difficult decision.

We may also have to decide to either bury or cremate our pet. Pet crematoriums and cemeteries are available for our pet’s final resting place or we can bring their ashes home in an urn to keep or to scatter in a favourite spot.

“You have chosen to love and so you will grieve when your animal friend has gone.Life and death – the inevitable circle.”

Looking after yourself

When your pet has gone it is important to look after yourself, physically and emotionally. Remember to eat, drink and visit your doctor with any concerns about your health.Talking to others can help but choose your confidants carefully as not everyone understands the love between people and their pets. “Just a pet” is a common response and non-too helpful! Here are more helpful words of condolence.

 A memorial service is a special way of celebrating a pet’s life. Holding photos of your pet, their collar, food dishes or a special toy and talking about their lives and your special memories helps many grieving pet owners.

Another pet

Grieving owners may wonder if getting a new pet will help. Sadly many people do not have this option. Ageing, lack of mobility and living into unsuitable accommodation are all understandable reasons for not replacing the family pet.If contact with animals is desirable, then organisations such as the Delta Society Australia can organise their Pet Partners to visit or you may like to volunteer a few cuddles at an animal shelter.

A different choice of pet may be more suitable, a cat or a bird rather than a dog, for instance. Remember to give yourself time to grieve and that a new pet can never replace your old one. Each animal is unique but chances are you will grow to love your new friend as much as you did your other pet.

For tributes to your pet, check out Dr Jo’s Pinterest Board PETS NO LONGER WITH US

More on pet loss
Words of condolence
Children and pet loss

---

---

---

Read our experiences of saying goodbye…

Leaving tributes to your pets can help you in your coping with pet loss grief.

Goodbye Clyde

Yesterday I said goodbye to my cat Clyde. The final goodbye. Clyde was 21 years old. An old man. An old cat with a big personality.

As Clyde aged, he lost his hearing, his ability to jump but he never lost his love of food, a cuddle or his sense of smell, especially if anyone was eating fish… or prawns. In younger days he had even been known to swipe prawns off an unsuspecting guest’s plate and be gone with them before the guest had even registered what had just happened. And then there were all the times we danced around Clyde, as he hogged the middle of our makeshift dance floor. Such a party animal 🙂

Clyde arrived at the same time as my newborn first son. His mother was a starving neighbourhood cat, who came to my house to have a feed. I followed her to meet her 3 little kittens and Clyde became our cat.

Clyde was a wild kitten. I have yet to meet a wilder one! He ambushed. He pounced. He scratched. He would stay out longer than acceptable at night and wake us up fighting every neighbourhood cat. He got run over and lost his tail. Nothing deterred Clyde. He was also a gentle, tolerant cat when it suited him. He accepted every other pet we brought into the family including 2 dogs, another 4 cats, 2 ferrets, numerous birds and fish. All showed him the respect he thought he deserved.

For the last 3 years, every time any of the family left home we would say gooodbye to Clyde, just in case he wasn’t there on our return. That is what happens when your pet is old – very old. Yesterday was our final goodbye.

21 years is a long time to spend with a pet, with anyone. To see them every day. To sleep with them every night. A big gap exists when they are gone. A hole in your life and a heart that can never be whole again. Miss you Clyde. Love you Clyde xxx

Clyde Righetti
Feb 1992 – Feb 2013

---

GOODBYE GINGER

I should be celebrating. But I am not. Not yet…

Today I leave for a month’s holiday with my family. A much needed break and time spent together. Well, minus son no. 1 who is staying at home to look after pets. (No parties please!) I am off with son no. 3, to see son no.2, who has been studying in Florida.

Why no celebration? Well, we had to say goodbye to our handsome Ginger at the weekend. Ginger survived his hyperthyroid radioactive iodine treatment earlier this year and his paralysis tick episode just a month ago but the mass growing in his chest just didn’t allow him to carry on. Fortunately for us and him, the discovery of this was recent and the end was sudden. He just couldn’t breath any more.

Ginge was a lover, not a fighter. He never put his claws out. He never fought another cat. He just purred and gave huge head butts, the latter when you least expected them!

Even my closest friends hardly new Ginger existed. He was a shy boy and would rather watch people from afar, only interacting when everyone had settled down to chat or watch TV. Then the first our unsuspecting guests would know of Ginger’s presence was the head butt!

Each of my son’s has received a cat on their 8th birthday, as I did on mine (best present ever!). How hard it was to tell son no. 2 that we had to say goodbye to his cat Ginger. From Florida, he said “Say goodbye from me”. And coming so soon after loss of son no. 2’s cat Leo. Not a good year for Righetti cats 🙁 But perhaps they are together, meeting up, having a feline festive fiesta!!

And so I am off on holiday. My other pets (son no. 1’s cat Mew is 16 and still going strong) are being well cared for, so I can relax and remember Ginger.

---